Hey, sorry for not writing more, im busy i guess, so what did i learn in the meantime… I dont want to do certain stuff now, this tech thing is the ultimate level of procrastination i guess, from youtube channels pretending to know stuff and selling useless courses, to people actually having done the work and sounding prolific, theres a big gap, and i realized, maybe im not so far ahead, but im also not down the drain, looking back, I guess I shouldnt say that, fake it till you make is no good advice kids, get it in your head!!!
Allright, what did I learn, I read a couple of journal entries by the guy who made the original prince of persia, he did this amazing animation technique where you use a photograph as refference and make detailed 2d animation that way, come to think, this guy made a game i really played on my gameboy, but it was emulated, so it wasnt the gameboy version of karateka, but it was the original colorful karateka, but on a GBA, dont pirate kids, it was a present from my dad, dont judge!
Its a new semester, new me, I guess, why am I overworked why am I pushing, why oh why, why is this all just a big push of procrastination… maybe, why am I enrolled in a university class where im going to make a game with others, why? why am i going through the pains of building a team, why oh why, this is hell, im cooking and i should do more, but then there are guys who realized they dont have to push themselves, etc. man i dont know if we are all idiots or what?
My head doesnt know left from right, i have missed a meeting… thankfully they havent been to pissed off, since it wasnt dependend on me… and theres no time, no time, im not comfortable, is it even worth it to feel comfortable, when you arent comfortable? Serious question!!! Is it though… what is the point of that, yeah, let me singlehandedly break my back… pushing on my lungs, making me even more uncomfortable… stay calm, you are not actually dying… you are just crushed… how do you feel…
Tomorrows a special day… getting to know the people you will be working with, the people that will tear your guts, they people that will hold you, carry you and drive you mad and crazy and push you to do better, all the meanwhile they think the same of you, welcome to group work… shit… why, this is the level of procrastination im not used to, why did I sign up for life and why did i say yess, yess to everything… let them load of the work they have planned for you and the one you expect, talking to people selling scripts now, no yeah, university scripts… do i look like an actor to you???
Good quote: Dont sass me! Another one: Are the scissors in your house broken, son? Anyways… i will let my hair grow out again… why? I prooved I can take care of myself… what is the point to live, if everything is solved by simple actions, anybody could have tolled you? Thats something so elemental to everything… we all are on the same steps, we just fail to see it… people, oh I say people, I mean systems, systems tell you who is different, and why you need the system, because the system protects you from the differences, the adversity in life, the waves that are crashing from the outside, waiting to flood the room…
Back to the who made Prince of Persia… that man, that young man, went through Yale… yeah, I read a couple of pages and now im talking about it… I think this is how this works… anyways, this is not youtube… not even people in university are that critical… another one, anyways… I saw some similarities between him and me… or not so much… his university carreer didnt give him the confidence he could have needed to feel comfortable while developing, yet he still prevailed… i cant even imagine… he made karateka before prince of persia… what im saying is, im shit… or i have parents who care about me having a job… I cant be having gaps in my curricullum vitae… and i like that, what if my parents were easy on me… thats no good, support yess, but think about tough questions, age appropriate, discourse is important… etc. ok next!
I am thinking about doing something in LÖVE2D, i prepared something ahead, thats nice to say, I actually worked on something crappy where i learned something… whatever… i have pygame installed too X) whaaatever… but i just made some graphics for the creative menu… no plans just making… im thinking that i will just come up with something… lets see where this is going… back to ground zero, i guess… but that thing in LÖVE2D is just procrastination… i know… i have a golang framework downloaded, i want to use it, golang is a cool language… and its plattform independent… so yeah… i wont go back to java though and relearn and improve my knowledge in that… I would rather make something in MonoGame, programming in C# that is… it works, i have MonoDevelop, two versions… these open source people… they are tireless, less tired than before work… anyways… im going to sleep! need a good day tommorrow! god doesnt play dice, but i still hope they fall in my favour… have a good one!